8 Ball Promoted to Major

Milkbox reports

A four year old 8 ball has been promoted to the rank of Major, in the Royal Marines. This startling rise to prominence has made him one of the youngest ever Majors. He has been assigned to Headquarters, Combined Operations - a post which Phantom Bacon has been assured, is very important. A spokesperson for the marines emphasised Major 8 Ball's decisiveness and leadership qualities, and said "He was the obvious candidate. . ."

Major 8 Ball made time for a brief phone interview with Phantom Bacon earlier today:

PB: Major are you happy with your new post?
Major: Definitely.
PB: What will be your main duties?
Major: Ask again later.
PB: Will you be available to take another call later?
Major: Yes.
PB: Do you have time for a couple more questions now?
Major: Maybe.
PB: Do you think a four year old Major can gain the respect of his subordinates?
Major: Absolutely!
PB: What makes you so sure? It is unprecedented in military history.
Major: Outlook not so good.
PB: I see. We're out of time - anything else you'd like to say to the readers of Phantom Bacon?
Major: Definately.
PB: Yes . . . go ahead.
Major: No way!
PB: Okay, thank you for your time Major.
Major: My sources say no.