Sentence of the Day, #5

Milkbox puts the latest three Word of the Day entries from dictionary.com into a splendid sentence, to aid your education.

#5: Due to the harrowing greyness of his office and the appealing verdure seven floors below, it seemed to Dave, at the time, quite cogent to defenestrate himself.

Small Portion of Chips Sparks Famine Worries, Festival

Ireland is bracing itself for another wave of mass emigration, as fears of a new potato famine sweep across the nation.

The potato shortage was first noticed yesterday, when several office workers received unusually small portions of chili-cheese-chips for lunch, in Paddy Cullen's - a vaguely popular public house in Ballsbridge.

The meager helpings, while tasty, were completely unsatisfying, and looked ridiculous - languishing in the bottom of their large bowls.

Chili-cheese-chips, Ireland's second-favourite dish (after sandwiches), consists of deep-fried chips of potato, covered with a layer of beef mince in a tomatoish sauce with kidney beans and a air of chili, all smothered in a warm duvet of melted cheddar.

MCD have organised special Exodus Festival ferries to deal with the predicted panicking masses. A spokesman for Irish Ferries said "There will be additional sailings from all ports, beginning next Monday morning. Tickets will be available from Ticketmaster and usual outlets."

Justin Green of MCD excitedly claimed "This new famine exodus will be a great experience for the paying punters. Rumours that the outbound ferries will be overcrowded and flooded with a slurry of urine, vomit and excrement are unfounded. There will be hot-dogs and one brand of beer available on board, and untrained angry people from Northern Ireland will be given jobs as sea-security."

Green then took a large potato from his pocket and licked it suggestively, made a "cha-ching" type noise and laughed like a maniac. He then produced an Uzi from his jacket, tossed the vegetable into the air and shot it to pieces, covering the reporter in a starchy pulp. He then said "Stand aside peasant!" and left abruptly.

Ferry destinations are yet to be confirmed, and are subject to license.

Rugby World Cup Makes Girl Cry

An angry father has threatened the Rugby World Cup 2007, after the major international sporting event made his daughter, Dominga (opposite), cry.

Javier Alfaro claims his daughter became very upset whilst watching the Rugby World Cup Final, contested by Jonny Wilkinson and South Africa, in their hotel room in Paris. He has openly threatened the tournament, declaring his intention to "kill the world cup".

Mr. Alfaro (below), a plumber from Peurto Deseado, southern Argentina, has been on holiday with his daughter in Europe for the duration of the tournament. When asked why his daughter had become upset, he replied "The World Cup of Rubgy is a shit, Garryowen! Garryowen! Every time!, I will kill the World Cup!"

Ms. Alfaro was almost too upset to comment, but did say "Matthew Tait has no purpose."

In a statement, IRB chairman, Bernard Lapasset, said that Mr. Alfaro's threats were being taken seriously, and all necessary precautions would be taken. "The safety of the Rugby World Cup 2007 is quite important - if the tournament were to be killed, rugby union would would be in disarray." It is understood that armed men and scary dogs will be used to protect the tournament in the coming days, until the Alfaros can be flown back to Argentina.

Aging Argentine scrumhalf, Augustin Pichot, condemned the threats, saying "This is a very un-Argentinian thing to do, dude."

French police are refusing to comment on whether Mr. Alfaro has broken any French or EU laws.

South Africa won the offending tournament, beating the lackluster Jonny Wilkinson, 15-6.