Newsflash! Push-riots!

Self-referential, absurdist humour blog, Phantom Bacon, attempts un-advertised, ironic hiatus - succeeds - returns triumphantly, resumes blogging in a seamless and nonchalant fashion, push-riots ensue.

Large crowds of pushy people wearing vests, and others gathered around PB HQ, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Phantom Baconeer, or even Milkbox himself. "Woe betide any other less absurd blogs in the vicinity," said one onlooker and push-riot enthusiast, "do you like my rolled up trousers?" he went on, before being pushed firmly backward with a transparent plastic tray by an anti-push-riot official. The pushing continues tonight - the push-riot is ongoing, and will shortly achieve official 'push-siege' status.


A second, and possibly related push-riot in nearby Dublin also made the headlines today, though it was less important, and was initially written off as a period film-shoot by the Gardaí. As all photographers were at the PB HQ push-riot, we only have a drawing of the Dublin push-riot. As you can see - this push-riot was quelled by a lone horseman, with a length of plastic pipe.

Spire of Dublin - Wilting

The Spire of Dublin is officially bendy today, according to eye witness reports. The formerly straight stainless steel monument appears to be wilting, possibly due to global warming or terrorism. Other possible causes, such as religion, homophobia and tectonic movements have not yet been ruled out by Gardaí.

Authorities are understood to be consulting top panel-beaters and plumbers to ascertain if the Spire can be straightened, though the cost would likely be prohibitive.

A resident of O'Connell St said "Ah jaysus, sure it's fucked - any spare change there love?"

A government official made the following statement: "Have you people nothing better to do than look up into the sky all day? And who said it was meant to stay straight for ever anyway? It's art - you can't predict art. This is obviously just a Fine Gael ruse."

It is expected that in the coming days that a team of Chinese scaffolders will be flown in to erect a supportive bamboo scaffold around the ailing metal pole. The area around the base of the Spire has been evacuated indefinitely, with traffic being diverted through Lusk, and shops from Henry St and Talbot St relocating to a temporary car-boot sale type market in the Phoenix Park.