Spire of Dublin - Wilting

The Spire of Dublin is officially bendy today, according to eye witness reports. The formerly straight stainless steel monument appears to be wilting, possibly due to global warming or terrorism. Other possible causes, such as religion, homophobia and tectonic movements have not yet been ruled out by Gardaí.

Authorities are understood to be consulting top panel-beaters and plumbers to ascertain if the Spire can be straightened, though the cost would likely be prohibitive.

A resident of O'Connell St said "Ah jaysus, sure it's fucked - any spare change there love?"

A government official made the following statement: "Have you people nothing better to do than look up into the sky all day? And who said it was meant to stay straight for ever anyway? It's art - you can't predict art. This is obviously just a Fine Gael ruse."

It is expected that in the coming days that a team of Chinese scaffolders will be flown in to erect a supportive bamboo scaffold around the ailing metal pole. The area around the base of the Spire has been evacuated indefinitely, with traffic being diverted through Lusk, and shops from Henry St and Talbot St relocating to a temporary car-boot sale type market in the Phoenix Park.