Bobby Robson Slates Staunton

Doddering international babysitter, Sir Bobby Robson, has finally lost patience with Republic of Ireland trainee manager, Steven Staunton, declaring he no longer wants to know the Dundalk tactician.

"If you are intelligent, constructive, fair and reasonable, then I'll go along with you. But if you are destructive, unfair, unreasonable, unintelligent, I don't want to know you."

Staunton has made a number of hilarious selection and tactical decisions throughout the Euro 2008 qualifying campaign, and now, with chances of qualification thoroughly buggered, some people have begun to question the appointment of a man who had never even played Kenny Dalglish Football Manager on the Commodore 64. In response, Staunton stared blankly into the sky and said "I had California Games."

Robson then went on to patronise troubled Stan.

"He has not had it like I did at Ipswich; 14 years of experience, of going into Europe. Stan came into it new, blind if you like. But he is a better man-manager now than he was two years ago."

Staunton has defended his selection choices, highlighting that Andy Keogh is "great at footbag", and that Andy Reid has "only recently got the hang of flying disk."

In conclusion, Sir Bob then summarised the woeful campaign.

"Aside from Cyprus when we got a thrashing - one we shouldn't have had - and San Marino when we nearly had another shock, in the other eight games I feel we've given decent performances and come close to getting maximum points."

Admittedly, it is not Staunton's fault. If I were offered the job I would have taken it too, but this is supposed to be the top job in Irish football. Staunton would have been suited to a more modest post - perhaps shooting directly from corners coach, or left back coach, but in hindsight and indeed normal sight, his appointment was probably shortsighted.